Today looks good!

So today looks really good....It's Monday and things are well at work. I think my Turbo Jam should be arrving today and so it begins! I am so happy and I hope that it arrives today; I have already begun watching my intake of food and I know that I am already eating less and soon there will be LESS of me! :-)
Things to be happy about today:

1. God has forgiven me of my sins.
2. I am in great health, as is my child.
3. I am employeed by a great company.
4. I have supporttive family and friends.

Happy today?

So I need to stop this....when will I finally become happy? I am not, no matter what I do, how I look, what I weigh...never. I have no life, I am fat, ugly, unwanted, unloved, used up....I have no man, 2 of my child don't want me....I have no friends whom I really can trust or who really care. I just don't feel very happy today. In a few days I will begin a new year alone...lonely....what's there to look forward to? Today is Friday and that normally brings happiness to people like me who have the weekend off; but I am sad. It just means 2 days alone, lonely, depressed.

No I don't feel very happy today.

Merry Christmas

Well, today is the day before Christmas....it's only me and my 'baby' (she's 4 years old). We will share the day in love together yet alone. We are blessed with health and happiness, praise God!! I am so thankfull for what we have; uncertain of why we've had such a rough past 2 years...but I have faith in YOU Lord that You are in control!
So this is about my weight loss efforts...and I've yet to speak about any weight. I am FAT! I can't stand myself; I am going to start Turbo Jam exercise that I ordered and should be here in a week....once I start that I will focus on my weight more. In the mean time, this is what is weighing me down the most I guess!

Fogiveness

So this thing we are supposed to do, forgive....why is that so hard and what is the extent of forgiveness we are to give to others? Ourselves? I know, we are to forgive as much as needed according to the Bible I read; I mean God's forgives our sins, we are to forgive others. BUT, there are things that are really hard to forgive....yet that forgiveness brings healing to us. It's a circle I believe, that is a wise circle created by THE Creator. Yet, it's sometimes beyond what I feel I am capable of doing....I don't want to forgive some people. Am I weak? Am I stupid? Do they now have the power over me again? They've hurt me so bad.....So I ask you again, to what extent is the depth of what we are expected to forgive?

Today it begins

Okay, so I need to do something about myself....this has been a HORRIBLE year and I need a change within me as well as on the outside! I have never weighted this much in my LIFE! Never! I truly can not stand looking in the mirror. Who is that person, that FAT person staring back at me? There are some days I think; "you look good" then I see a flash of my self and I wonder who is that FAT girl following me? I can not believe that it's ME!
I won't go into all the horrors of my life this past 1 1/2, but it's somehow made me a stronger person, and one who has finally learned how to except myself the way I am....to love myself the weight I am as well! I have never loved myself, even when I was skinny....but maybe it's time to do that? Maybe that is the key to starting to let go of the extra weight? I don't really have the answers, but I want to find them!